By the middle of 2005, I had done a pretty good job of recovering from my depression. I had also figured out that my castration had been much more effective than I had originally thought.   It occurred to me that I had the best of both worlds:  I still looked, and functioned well enough to pass for "normal.  My sex drive was easy to control but did still exist, slightly. 

But something still bugged me deep inside, because I did still have balls, and I really didn't want them.  I had re-thought the whole idea quite well and never changed my mind.  But I was no longer obsessed with finishing the job.  I decided to buy a decent painkiller and did research and even found where to get it from.  I just lacked the motivation to order it.

I'd always wanted a Prince Albert Piercing but had never been able to "get over" the idea of putting a hole in my dick.  I liked the look of the big ones, like an 0 gauge.   So I went and got one.  I promised myself that when I could stretch it up to a 0 gauge piercing, I would finish my castration.  I was afraid that finishing the job would remove the drive to get to that goal, so castration was on hold.

In August, 2006, I finally got that 0 gauge Prince Albert in my dick.  I ordered the xylocaine that night.  It finally arrived on September 16th.   

I started out by cleaning my burdizzo really good.  I wiped it down with alcohol and then with disinfectant.  I sat it down close by where it could dry without touching anything.

My first castration had taught me that it was easy to catch skin that you didn't plan to clamp by accident.  My dick had narrowly escaped the clamp in 2001, so I started out by taping my dick to my stomach to keep it safe.  I have no great attachment to my dick but I would prefer to plan any modifications in advance.

I had NO experience with needles.  I had only a vague idea of the correct dosage.  I did know what worked in the first castration, so I tried to duplicate it.  I really didn't plan on closing the burdizzo that night, I planned on numbing my balls and cords, then just trying the clamp to see if I'd done a good enough job of numbing myself.

I'd had to buy a box of 100 sterile needles to get the couple I wanted so I had plenty to spare.  I pulled about 10 cc of xylocaine into the syringe, and started up at the top of my sac next to my dick.  I started injecting.  I injected a small amount into a dozen or so different places in my sac.  I had to use great care to avoid shooting any xylocaine into a vein (sure wouldn't want to numb your heart)!  I had another needle that I was gently poking my sac with so I could tell when it was really numb.  It didn't take long and then I just had to numb my cords. 

This was the hard part.  There is a lot of blood inside the cords, so I was very worried about injecting any drug into a vein or artery.  I decided to push the needle into the membrane surrounding the cords, but not into the cord itself.  Then I just squirted the xylocaine ON the cords and let it run down, numbing as it went.  I was skeptical about how well this would work, but what the hell, this was an experiment anyway.

Now you may remember else ware I have said I used to enjoy some CBT.  So I don't really know if I decided to numb my testicles for the castration, or if it was because I wanted to stick them with a needle.  But anyway, I did stick both my testicles and numb them thoroughly.

As I write this, I am asking myself, if it was really an experiment, then why did I set up the camera before I started?  I don't know.  I never thought about that before. 

Anyway after all was numb, I got my alcohol out and wiped down my sac real good.  You know your balls are numb when you can pour alcohol on them and not feel it.  Then I positioned the burdizzo.   I propped one handle in my armpit, and took my fingers and held the skin tight in the small end of the clamp.  I started to pull the clamp closed, expecting to feel something.  I felt nothing.  The clamp was closed before I realized it!

I was surprised but not surprised.  I suspect that my subconscious mind had intended to close the clamp all along.  I wasn't really planning on it, but maybe that was just to protect myself from failure.   I was happy to see I had finally done it.  Now, I had not closed the clamp very fast, so I knew it wasn't a good clamp.  I left the burdizzo closed for four or five minutes while I took pictures, and decided then that I would clamp that nut again so I could do it right.

I used two fingers to hold the skin tight as I opened the clamp.  It was easy to just slide the clamp over a bit and reposition it for a second clamp.  I held the burdizzo the same way and slammed the clamp closed as hard and fast as I could.  The clamp slipped just a hair as it slipped into the lock and the cords stayed put but it caused a pinch in the skin that bled like hell.  Once again, I left the clamp on for about five minutes while I took more pictures.

As I removed the clamp and moved it over to the right nut, I could already feel the cords of my left nut starting to throb.  They were still numb so it wasn't really pain yet, just throbbing.  It was uncomfortable.  I tried to position the burdizzo as I had before, but this time it was harder.  My sac was shriveling up already, and I had a hard time getting everything positioned in the clamp.  But I did get it done and once again, slammed the clamp closed.  This time it didn't slip.  My left cords were throbbing worse by now, and I rushed through the next five minutes, taking my pictures and probably cheating by a minute or two. 

During it all, I was so calm.  My dick was leaking pre cum all over my stomach, not erect but swollen like it wanted to be.  I wasn't horny, or anything for that matter.  I didn't really feel any particular excitement, while I was happy, it wasn't particularly a high or a low. This was just a project with a particular stopping point that I was determined to reach.  I felt as cold as I would have if I'd been in a hospital having some unknown doctor work on me. 

Anyway, getting the burdizzo positioned for the last clamp was a bitch.  My sac was shriveled all up.  My left cords were throbbing really bad now.  My skin was still numb, but the throb was starting to hurt.  I just wanted to get finished.  I didn't get the clamp positioned as I wanted, I had too much skin in it.  I didn't get it closed as hard as I would have liked, but I did close it.  It was the last clamp and I probably left the clamp on that nut for better than five minutes.

That's it!  I was done, twice per nut.  I was happy, I was satisfied that after all this time, it was finally done.  I had blood from the left nut on my leg, and it was pooling up in the clamp mark itself.  I ruined several gauze pads soaking up the blood until it slowed down enough to stop dripping.  It was the second clamp on the left nut, the one where the clamp slipped, that bled so bad.  But I got it stopped and took some more pictures.

I was planning on going to the kitchen for ice, but didn't make it.  Right after I finished with the camera, I was in the bathroom checking the bleeding again.  I started feeling bad.  It wasn't my nuts, it was that internal kind of bad where you're not sure if you'll manage to keep standing up, or pass out.  Light headed kind of bad.  I started sweating really bad, and barely made it to my bedroom where I laid down.

For the next thirty minutes or so, I just layed there with my balls throbbing, feeling really horrible and sweating like crazy.  I felt bad enough that it scared me.  I didn't really feel like I would be able to stand up if I tried.  This did get better as I lay there, and finally it had passed and while I still felt weak, I felt like I could stand, walk, and so forth.  So I got up and went to the kitchen and put some ice on my sac.  Better late than never. 

After a while I got in the shower and washed up, got rid of the last of the blood.  I took a few last pictures, and inspected myself.  By now I felt normal, but my mood was subdued.  Very much like the weird mood I experienced for the first three or four days after my first clamping.  I knew I was happy but I couldn't feel it.

Just like the first time, the weird mood lasted for three or four days.  Then I felt pretty much normal.